For many, finding the right partner to live happily with for many years is one of the most confusing aspects of life. You may even question the idea that the right partner is the person we choose to be with for life. While it is not possible to make definitive judgments, there are some basic principles that can guide you in deciding whether the person you are with is the right partner for you.

I propose a new definition of the “right partner”: The right partner is the person we should be with right now, regardless of whether we will be right for each other forever. It means we have something to learn from each other right now.

What Do I Mean by the Right Match?

Our spouse is a path through which we experience ourselves and which allows us to deepen our understanding of ourselves. This path serves life. The right partner for us is the one who will be for each other forever. the right partner is the person we need to be with right now, regardless of whether we are going to be together or not. It means that we have something to learn from each other and together.

The Most Important Point: Attraction

If you are attracted to someone, you need to follow this attraction and experience where it will take you, open yourself to the gifts of self-knowledge hidden in this attraction.

Even when the attraction is not mutual, there is still a lot of information about your journey of self-understanding.

There are no shortcuts to finding the right partner

With each encounter you learn something new about yourself and gradually move towards situations where the attraction is mutual, and eventually you find your soul mate for life.

I think it doesn't matter how many people you are with, what matters is how far you are able to go on your journey of self-discovery with your current partner. As you progress through the stages of self-knowledge, either your current partner evolves or the qualities of the people you are attracted to change.

Correct Peer Criteria

Here are some questions to ask yourself in your relationships:

• What aspects of your partner's personality, family and preferences show you about yourself?
  For example, if you refuse to be with your partner's family because they are religious, you may recognize that you have a strong aversion to religious control and manipulation.
• Which aspects do you want to accept and which ones do you want to change?
  Now that you are aware of your inhibitions, you may want to either overcome them or accept your situation as it is without any need for improvement.
• If these characteristics remain the same, can your partner live with them?
  Sometimes change is instantaneous, sometimes it takes so long that it may seem as if it will never happen. But as Heraclitus said centuries ago, we know that the only constant is change.

Now ask the same questions again from your partner's point of view:

• What aspects of your personality, family and preferences do you show your partner?
  Continuing with the same example, your refusal to be with your partner's family may be a reflection of the fact that he/she secretly wants to distance himself/herself from his/her family.
• Which aspects of your partner is willing to change?
  Will he change or accept this new side of himself?
• If these aspects are not going to change, can you live with these aspects?

Being able to ask these questions will take you a long way. You need to know that when you stop growing, your relationship may not be enough for you anymore and it is possible to leave a relationship behind.